Name your blog?

Name your blog? I kid you not I just spent 25minutes trying to decide what I wanted to call it. I was stuck between "Earth to Mars" and "She's a Marshmallow" I have a feeling that this title may be temporary. I named this after of course my favourite thing in the world. Veronica Mars. It's one of my favourite quotes from the show. Yeah, I get it, it is pathetic but I don't care. Today I decided after reading a bunch of Paul's journals that I deserve one of these too. I'm thinking I may do the same as him. Keep it sort of private but not really at all. That works right? I get to rant and every now and then someone gets to read it. Aaron would probably get frustrated at me for getting this. I already have two "blog" type things to keep updated and It seems like I'm already doing a bad job at that. But that's fine. This way I can sorta keep a paper journal.

Lately I've been feeling okay. Although after Canada Day I felt pretty down and out. I enjoy drinking but I can't help but feel embarrassed and nervous after I sober up. I spent my whole night having a blast. 9 Beer? What? Tracey Brown get out of town. I've never drank that much before. Not a surprise though, it was Canada Day. I was at a BBQ and everyone else I was with (my group at least) was drunk. Aaron stayed inside with a couple of people arguing about something. I stayed outside with my crowd drinking away and laughing. It was awesome. We were not the only couple split up like that either so it didn't bother me very much. My only problem would be looking back at the photos. God, my main problem with drinking is that I don't know my brain enough to trust it to be alone. I know that makes no sense but what I mean is that, I can't control my brain half the time so why would I let it go free by itself to do whatever? When I'm drunk I feel like I handed my brain to the closest innocent standby and told him to hold on to it while I leave.

I was so drunk and I came home and felt like everyone knew I was drunk and nobody else was. That sucks. Especially since the people that you are around are not your friends but your second family. I felt so embarrassed, we went to see the fireworks with Aaron's parents and I fell over as we were getting in the car. Aaron really didn't make any point to help me to the car or anywhere where we were going. I was holding hands with Emily the whole way there and back. Sometimes he's like that. We got home and me and Aaron talked and long story short he ended up making me cry. I asked if we could talk and he got mad at me and told me he needed time alone. My beef was that the whole time we were at the party we were not together. So getting mad at me because I wanted to spend time with him made me very upset.

Anyways, the story doesn't matter but the point of the matter is, I fell asleep at 10:30 crying and woke up at 3:30. If you know me at all you know that I've said OVER and OVER and OVER. I hate falling asleep upset and will stay up in the wii hours of the morning to avoid it. Oh my god, did you see that? Look how I spelt wee. Anyways, I woke up at 3:30am feeling like I was hit in the face with a ton of bricks. Both emotionally and physically. I woke Aaron up to tell him that this is why I hate going to sleep upset because I feel 100% worse when I wake up. I drank some water and proceeded to sit on his bathroom floor in my bra with a real bad headache. I couldn't find any ibuprofen in the bathroom. So I just took 4 Children's aspirin. Chewable might I add. They tasted like pure shit. I'm pretty sure they were expired too. Aaron came in and checked on me, I told him to go back to bed. I was really upset because I hate when people are condescending to me. Especially if I'm drunk. Anyways, I guess I had sobered up a little after the fantastic fruit flavoured shit tablets and went back to bed. Aaron kissed and hugged me until I feel asleep. I'm assuming he felt bad. He did apologise for getting angry at me. We woke up and I felt so embarrassed. I can't even explain it. We watched Scarface though and god damnit I can't believe I went this far in my life without seeing it. Fuck this guy and Mang are the two best things to use now. But if you are reading this don't tell my brother, Mike or Aaron. I did say I hated the words Mang and Broham. They kept using them over and over. Now I like them.

"You wanna waste my time? Okay. I call my lawyer. He's the best lawyer in Miami. He's such a good lawyer, that by tomorrow morning, you gonna be working in Alaska. So dress warm."

That's one of my favourite quotes I think. It made me laugh a bunch. Poor Tony Montana, he just lost all of his friends and family and had nothing left but lots of cocaine. Also, you have to remember the ending. He totally was shot to death and fell into a fountain. Yesterday I picked up the Scarface game at work and read the back the plot description said:

"They thought you were dead, but Tony Montana doesn't die so easy. Sosa took everything you had. Now you've got nothing, but that never stopped you before. You're back with a vengeance, ready to reclaim your turf and rebuild you empire. All you've got are your balls-and your word."

Like seriously? How is that even possible? He was shot like what? a million times? Whatever, people make money without even thinking. Who actually believes there could be a Sequel. I guess if he came back and was secretly a robot? I don't even know but it seems like all avenues you can walk down it would be dumb as shit.

Anyway, enough about Tony Montana. Last night one of the main reasons I was embarrassed of myself was because of a picture Colin took. I hate when the evening gets to the point where you talk about things you don't want to talk about. This lovely photo was taken (cover your eyes.) I'm very sorry to anyone who is reading this. But I'm sure it's no surprise. I have huge tits now. Yeah, So are my boobs really this big? That blows my mind. I wish I could find a picture of me like 5 years ago to show you how I had absolutely NOTHING. It's to the point now that I hate them. I love them without clothes on but with clothes on. Not really a fan. If I could cut off my fucking love handles and some of my boobs I'd never be depressed again. I can't believe I just posted that picture on the Internet. I REALLY cannot believe I did that. I was so close to deleting it but decided against it. Needless to say, I'm embarrassed that I wore such a reveling top. I'm also embarrassed that people decided to pull it down for me so that it was even more reveling. I'm not a slut and I'm really worried that I gave off that impression

Okay, yeah. This has totally turned into a rant journal. I'm going to stop.

Today I plan on hanging out with Kristen O'Rourke. She's the best and we are going to make taco's and maybe more friendship bracelets. Yeah, we are 5 years old. I'm not joking. We do the most retarded things ever and totally act like we are 5. I love her to bits and she is by far the best friend I've ever had. She goes along with all my plans including times when I wake her up so early in the morning just so we can sit in our PJ's and blow bubbles in the morning. Everytime it gets sunny out we always think of each other. I think that's really positive. We always end up calling each other the second it gets sunny out. It's fun.

Last night was pretty nice. I came home from work and Aaron had made me supper. I watched a shitty show called "wife swap" and made chocolate covered strawberries for me and him. It was cute because he is like a 5 year old kid. He was covered in chocolate and kept begging for more. We have a whole lot of fun together even if I complain sometimes (re: a couple paragraphs up) I really need to focus on the positives instead of negative things. Last night even though we didn't really do anything we both watched LNT as always and spent most of our time on our computers. He's pretty cute. I think I'll keep him around for a while. It's been 30months. That's a pretty long time. It's also the longest I've ever been with anyone. It's his too. I forgot about that. I wish I had the money to move out. I'd love for us to live (actually) live together.

It seems like i've rambled on enough that I can't really think of what I want to talk about anymore. I've been writing for quite a long time. I'll try my best to sort of keep this blog active. Yup, I'm definitely going to try.